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February 12, 1999
Follow.
Attack.
Defend.
Whose order to follow?
When to go with the flow...
When to create the flow...
When to ignore the flow...
Are my reactions a result of my inferences,
my experiences,
my own judgement,
or am I simply riding the bandwagon,
in the various ways I watch others around me.
What makes me think I'm different?
That I'm independent?
In the right frame of mind?
Of spirit?
Of heart?
Certainty is a treasure granted to so few moments in life.
Life is as ambiguous as a muddy pool--
only on bright sunny days can we see to the bottom of it all.
Is it ok that my too far...
is different than his too far,
than her too far,
than their too far.
That my enough,
is not like your enough.
That my pleasures,
come from things
you detest.
I've often used
the precedented behavior of others,
who are similar to me in
demographics
status
talents,
to determine
what and how and where and when and why
it is appropriate for me to react.
It was not until
these days of rotating worlds
that I realized
the true depth of the thought
that
no one
can do
why and how and where and when and what
I do
as well as me,
even remotely close to how I do it!
There is no need to precedent my behavior
on what others have done --
they could never consider
my experience
my judgement
my talents
my emotions
my faith
in their reactions,
and how could I expect them to?
Only I can.
Only I can deliver a genuinely
me
reaction
to life
and Her circumstances.
If I feel like singing country songs
24/7
and no one else ever does,
it's ok for me.
If I want to skip from the school to my car,
and it's not mature for seniors to do that,
it's ok for me.
If I want to laugh out loud at nothing,
or cry because I think someone is beautiful,
or take something seriously,
or let it all roll of my back like steamy waters,
it's ok for me.
Cause only God,
and I,
know me.
If I don't do it my way,
no one else will,
or can...


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