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December 7, 1999
Lord.. You know how long Iíve wanted this.
You know how deeply
my spirit has been crying out.
You heard every echo of every drip of every anguished cry.
You fell to your knees in pain
at my every ounce of hurt and pride.
But You were not as helpless as I.
You felt the pain because you chose to, it is your nature,
that You love me so much, youíve experienced and conquered
all that I have faced.
You know every single act of hurt Iíve dealt with
and Your familiar with the torturing lies
the deceiver has dealt me.
Lord God,
You knew it even before it came to pass.
You knew it even before I came to pass.
And You will not forget how the accumulated experiences of my past
have changed the core of who I am..
You will remember when others fail to see.
You knew it even before it came to pass.
But Lord,
You wanted me to know it.
You wanted me to see,
that this pain and life altering diversion,
has not been a punishment from You,
for as I believed when it began,
You are well pleased with me
and love me intensely with a love undeniable, indestructible, and irreplaceable.
You wanted me to realize for myself
that I have been intricately deceived by the
father of lies.
That the king of deception has used my own mind, those I love, my abilities, my dreams,
and my very heart,
to destroy and spoil the
great works Youíre doing in me.
In attempts to erode the immense love between us
he became a parasite of insecurity and doubt..
one that started so small,
and ravished on me, till it became
Katie sized,
walking and talking like me,
and filing my empty frame with emptiness-
altering my eyes to visions of falsehoods about the very person Youíve made me.
Stealing my worth through the people and parts of me
I value the most.
You needed me to see that
satan has been the trap and cause of my pain,
so that I could guard myself from him,
that I could trust You more,
that I could see Your wonderful miracles, in this place, and in my very life, through Your
eyes and with Your heart.
You have not inflicted me with grief,
but with grace.
True, I am nothing as myself.
A molded clump of clay conceived in sin.
But today I can proclaim,
with the joy of a spring time I once knew,
that I am beautiful,
I am worthwhile,
I am useful,
I am free,
I am pure and able,
I am worthy to be loved,
simply because
You Love Me,
and You say that I am.
You Love Me,
and despite the lies,
you are my Jubilee,
claiming and taking and giving
back all the deceiver has stolen;
in faith I recognize it, I receive it,
and I walk in it,
knowing that You are a place,
where my trust is secure.

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