March 8, 1999
It was said once
by someone whose wisdom
I have just now become accustomed to
that love makes us fools
And I don't doubt
that at a given point in each life
one feels like the Queen of fools
and tonight
I am sovereign
of the land of
broken hearts
foolish dreams
and useless tears
The monarchy is a lonely corner of the cold, puzzling world.
I feel so forgotten.
The open chapters from the book of my heart
show so honestly
my attempts
my endeavors, not always easy,
to love those
who need love
to touch lives
with simple
smiles
and hugs
and hellos
and helping hands
and written therein
is my intent
pure as the white walls that contain me
with no other motive
I want only to have made a difference
to have been a light of Christ
to have given all I can where and when it is needed
I know you love me Lord,
but is there ever someone who would give all they can where and when I need it
simply because it needs to be done.
I feel so forgotten.
I feel like a builder
who toils through unseen hours
to create a bridge for everyone else
and upon its completion
upon its frequent use
no one pauses that brief moment for a word of thanks
for simple
smiles
hugs
hellos
and helping hands
I have your love, Lord.
And I have friends, good, loving friends, and family, and peers, admirers, brothers and sisters in Christ who do love me.
But as the Queen of fools
I have this hallow longing for something else
something more
I watch it all around me
I've endured so many jerks
so many bad relationships
my bandaged heart
longs so much
for the heart of a great, sweet, CHRISTIAN guy-
to hear him say in the words of that song I hold so dear
"Oh I love how it feels when I look in your eyes, cause you're even more beautiful on the inside"
who smiles at my energy
who not only thinks it's 'nice'
that I try so hard to serve others
but who realizes
and appreciates
and admires
that I do it because you inspire me to do so, Lord.
Ah! Just to have a guy NOTICE that I try to serve others would be great!
I want someone to have
philosophical conversations with
to tell my problems to
to share about God's love with
to be CRAZY with
to learn with
to need
to need me
to be proud of me
to appreciate the small things I TRULY ADORE
puppies
stationary
ice cream
Jennifer Knapp
sunlight
day-dreaming
talking for hours on end
music
Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!
And that is where I become the fool,
The Queen Of Fools
not only to be so young,
and to dream of such a prince
but to hope that he even exists
to waste my pitiful tears
on a boy
a man
who has me in his sight
but doesn't see me
who is my friend
but doesn't know me
who doesn't realize how completely he's stolen my heart
What can I do!?!
A thief in the night is neither seen nor expected
Truly my prince, you took my damaged heart by surprise
I feel so forgotten.
Lord, please give me Christian eyes to look into
that need me
that can say with honesty
"Oh I love how it feels when I look in your eyes, cause you're even more beautiful on the inside."
That's all I want.
