April 17, 1999
and more complete,
I'm being transformed
by the renewing of it all.
While I'm pleased
to be progressing into
a sanctified form
it hurts me
in my most human places
that which was my truth
for all the
spent on my hopes.
Seems even my hopes
because I formed them in
the dust of Earthly ideals
rather than the rock of
It's too bad I was so upright,
it's too bad I was so politically correct,
it's too bad I was so successful,
it's too bad I was so ideal,
because they'll never understand now
why I have to change it all.
They'll never understand why their right,
isn't right enough for me now,
and strangely enough,
I'm not so sure of the reasons either,
I just know what I'm taught from on High.
I'm in a place, I never thought I'd be.
When the candle will not burn,
and there's no where left to turn,
what kind of lessons has this daughter learned?
None that pride will allow naming,
I'll retreat to the nothingness of riddles and plagues.
To the River.
I'm abandoned to the River,
And though I'd rather breath "fresh" oxygen,
I've no choice but to drown,
in the waters that murder me from what I love,
and carry me to what I need.