It seems as though
just yesterday,
I stood at the
beginning
of this hallway
and now I find that
short and unretrievable steps
have swiftly brought me farther from that
point
then I ever could have imagined!
And it seems,
in those years ago,
which now, merely feel like
fleeting minutes,
my constant focus had become,
those doors
at the end
of the Senior hallway.
The enticing glow of sunlight
that filtered through the majestic glass,
added to the presence of MHS legends toiling at their lockers,
made the whole scene so alluring and desirable.
Every toilsome, underclassmen task, became a stepping stone
to that day when I would be the one standing in the aura of
the doors
at the end
of the senior hallway.
From my distant Freshman years,
I had no tangible comprehension
of the true essence of those doors.
But my imagination all too often
explored
it's possible attributes.
The burnished silver that surrounded the glistening plates of crystal glass,
the warmth emitted from the sunshine
that permeated its panes.
It wasn't so much the doors I desired,
but the chance to be so near to a place
where those I admired had been,
and to claim it as my own.
Sophomore year.
Junior year.
It didn't matter too much
where my footsteps landed,
where I trod,
how I went there,
what I was doing,
so long as I was getting closer to
the goal
the doors
at the end
of the Senior hallway.
And now that I'm standing here--
4:00 on a Friday afternoon--
alone and contemplative,
I turn around for the first time,
and look back down the hallway...
I can only stare in remembrance,
there are no redos
no make up tests
no alternate routes
I have chosen the path I would
down the hall
to the doors
at the end of the Senior hallway.
And now that I look back,
I wish that I would have a cared a little more
about where my footsteps landed,
where I trod,
how I went there,
what I was doing.
I wish I would have remembered,
to always walk on the right side...
I wish I would have tried,
not to stumble over those around me...
I wish I would have been prepared,
so I wouldn't have had to rush...
I wish I would have said something,
when I watched my friends walking the other way...
So here I am.
Standing
far too close
to the doors
at the end
of the Senior hallway.
And all I can do is stare
backward...
...and forward...
Beyond the cold glass that I once thought was warm,
beyond the sun that is now setting in the late afternoon,
beyond the tainted, shredded, abused metallic mask that surrounds the smudged glass,
beyond the doors.
I can see the real world,
the world beyond the protection of warm high school walls and rules,
and it scares me to think of
how much exists
that I have never know.
My time here is brief.
I can look beyond the glass, just long enough to realize I should
care about
where my footsteps land,
where I trod,
how I get where I'm going,
what I'm doing,
and then the hectic winds of June
will push me through the door.
For the first and only time, I will hear the swishing sound of it opening,
the creaking sound of it's oil-less operation,
and the crashing of it's closure--
and realize what it all means.
It's a one way door.
You can get through, but once it closes behind you,
it's locked forever.
The only action possible:
To turn around, I watch where I've been.
I wonder what it looks like from the other side?
