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Fall, 1999
Why do I turn away?
Where did I think that I could go?
How many trials does it take before my head and heart both know

How many chances did he give me
to just bow my head and pray,
yet not a single time I listened to him calling me his way.

Never once did I listen
to him telling me his plan,
I just listened to the calling of temptation and of man.

What I thought must be the rock,
quickly crumbled into sand,
and I watched my worldly power promptly trickle through my hand.

Stead of bearing all this burden
in a solitary state,
should have asked for help from God, and from those who can relate

should have opened up my heart
stead of shutting all the doors
should have shared my grave position and the feelings it implores

should have called to God for help
should have told him where I stand,
now I've fallen from the rock and I'm sinking in the sand.

I wonder who the fool is,
is it them or is it me?
When they say that I'm the greatest, is it really me they see?

All the honor and the glory
that this world puts on my head
don't account for any joy, if the heart inside me's dead.

I have tried to find the answer,
and I tried to on my own--
when you separate yourself, you are sure to be alone.

But dear Lord and helpful Father
you pursued me all the while
never waning to protect, your own beloved child.

Now that space from head to heart
has finally been crossed
I've realized you were there all the time that I was lost.

And when I listened to the steps
that you showed me in your word
suddenly the answer came, just like flying to a bird.

I have tried to pursue purpose
in good deeds and achievement
but my purpose doesn't lie within the worlds requirements.

I don't have to be successful
in all the goals the world imparts,
I'm successful if I listen to what you've planted in my heart.



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